I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year and to remember that it is pronounced twenty ten and not two thousand and ten. Glad someone took charge and settled it before we had something else to debate. I just hope that "twenty ten" is a hell of a lot better than "twenty nine", but starting off with a double mastectomy is probably not a good sign. Talk about having to re-invent yourself.
January 2010
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Happy New Year
I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year and to remember that it is pronounced twenty ten and not two thousand and ten. Glad someone took charge and settled it before we had something else to debate. I just hope that "twenty ten" is a hell of a lot better than "twenty nine", but starting off with a double mastectomy is probably not a good sign. Talk about having to re-invent yourself.
The Long December
This was a year of growing after staying dormant for so long. I am stronger than I ever thought possible and it makes me wonder why I wasn't strong enough to conquer the depression that had me by the throat for so many years? Was it really depression or self loathing? Was it fear or indifference? Why is life so hard for some of us, while others just catapult from one obstacle to the next, making an adventure out of it all? Why are some people so negative, some so positive?
The hole that I have dug for myself has gotten deeper and harder to get out of. Some days I can't decide if I just want to stay there and sink deeper, or lift myself up to at least see what the world looks like. Fortunately for me, I do get out a lot, and keep so busy that I don't have a moment to think of myself. Is it the best way to cope? I don't know. All I know is that it works for me and by thinking of everyone but myself, I have been happier than I have been in a long, long time. Remove all the negative people from your life and see how fast your energy changes.
Christmas 2009
This was the best Christmas ever. I had my last chemo in early December, so I was back to feeling great just in time to prepare for Christmas. I put all my fears on hold, and just enjoyed the moment I was in. My daughter was here from Chicago and she, her sister and brother-in-law really kept me busy all of the time. Even though I can't get through the season without a little stress, I did most everything I wanted to do without overdoing. I had a lot more energy than everyone expected, and I think my daughter went home to Chicago, exhausted.
There was shopping, baking, movies, eating out in really good restaurants, seeing old friends, presents, but mainly it was giving, helping and loving. Lots of fudge to go around, my English Toffee turned out fabulous, cookies for everyone, the magic of the children in my life opening their presents from Santa, gingerbread pancakes Christmas morning for the 20th year in a row, Chinese food for Christmas dinner, football, Sunday morning brunch with more food and sweets, a gingerbread house making contest, seeing the Nutcracker, an uplifting mass at St. Monica's church in Santa Monica on Christmas eve. All the things Christmas should be, devoid of any drama. I wish the magic that is in the air this time of year, was permanent.
Unfortunately, the depressing time for me is the first week in January when all the lights disappear, decorations are put away, and diets begin. This year will be a bigger letdown than usual because I have to face the cancer and take the next step. I have been feeling so good lately, it is so hard to believe that I have this terrible disease that is trying to take me down. Getting ready for part two of my biggest challenge. Wish me luck.
Words of Wisdom
Saw this on a magnet in a bookstore today while I was shopping with my daughter. It is so appropriate for my life. I live on faith. I enjoy each day to to the fullest and am thankful that I have as much as I do, instead of dwelling on what I lack.
This has been an incredible weekend where I have not stopped. Shopping, movies, friends, my daughter, my other daughter being sick, running into my ex-husband and his wife at the movies, eating out, laughing, football and more shopping. Just another day in paradise.
How Did This Happen? Christmas is a Week Away!
This year was the year I was going to be organized and have everything done by the first week of December. That was wishful thinking. I just started my Christmas shopping today and though I made my Christmas cards weeks ago, I still haven't finished sending them out. I have to admit that after my last chemo I didn't feel good as I have the previous five times, but I still let procrastination take over my life, as usual. My daughter Erin, arrived from Chicago today and will be here for the next ten days. That is my Christmas present.
It's not like I have been sitting around doing nothing. I helped a friend move into a fabulous new house, another friend who we threw the pink shower for, ended up having a boy, after all the tests said it was a girl. The baby had problems in utero, and fortunately was born prematurely, but healthy. My little munchkins have been a blessing this holiday season and remind me of what the holidays are all about. I have made tons of sugar cookies, fudge and English toffee to give as gifts, but the biggest hit so far has been the chocolate marshmallow cookies I got from my favorite food blog Stephanie's Kitchen.
Chocolate Marshmallow Delights
For the cookies:
1 3/4 cup flour
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp course salt
1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup sugar
1 large egg
1/2 cup whole milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
About 15 marshmallows, halved crosswise
3 cups confectioners’ sugar (you may need to add a little more )
6 tbl unsalted butter, room temperature
1/4 cup plus 1 1/2 tsp unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 cup milk
3/4 tsp vanilla extract 1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Make cookies: Sift together flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt into a bowl. (I just use a whisk, it does the same thing.)
2. Put butter and sugar into the bowl and mix on medium high until fluffy and pale, about 2 minutes. Reduce speed to medium low; mix in egg, milk and vanilla. Mix in flour mixture, 1/2 cup at a time, until combined.
3. Using a 1 3/4-inch ice cream scoop, drop dough onto baking sheets lined with parchment paper, spacing 2 inches apart. Bake cookies, rotating sheets halfway through, until firm, 8 to 10 minutes. Immediately press a marshmallow half on top of each cookie. Bake until marshmallows begin to melt, 2 minutes more. Let cool completely on sheets on wire racks.
4. Make frosting: Put powdered sugar in a medium bowl. Melt butter with the cocoa in a sauce pan over medium-low heat, stirring occasionally. Add butter mixture to the powdered sugar. Whisk in milk and vanilla.
5. Spread about 1 tbl of frosting on top of each cookie to cover
marshmallow. Let stand until set, about 10 minutes. Cookies can be
stored in single layers in airtight containers at room temperature up
to 2 days.
Visions of Sugarplums
Tonight was a cookie making night. I was at a friend's house to help she and her son's decorate cookies for Christmas. It was my first time using Royal icing and it was a lot harder than I thought.
I don't think I'll be opening a bakery anytime soon. My ego was bruised when her 9 and 12 year-old boys cookies turned out better than mine.
Last week we decorated the tree and I did a much better job than the cookies.
Happy Holidays
I designed my Christmas cards early this year, and have gotten most of them in the mail. For those of you who didn't get one, this one is for you. Wishing everyone a Happy Holiday and Wonderful New Year.
Tis the Season
It's really beginning to look a lot like Christmas in Santa Monica, and to help things out, it's actually freezing cold tonight. This is by far my favorite time of year and I am going to enjoy the holidays like never before. I am trying to keep it stress free and not get caught up in having to have everything perfect with too many expectations that never get met. I am going to enjoy every minute with family and friends and be thankful for what I have.
I went to the mall for a short time the other night and it was beyond depressing. First of all, it wasn't crowded, which isn't too unusual for a Monday night, but no one seemed to be buying anything. Every store had a sale sign up, just begging people to buy. Even See's candy was empty, a sure sign that California is on an economic diet. The decorations are all up, the Christmas music is being forced everywhere, but some how people seem a little scared about buying happiness this year. Maybe Christmas will start getting back to it's roots when people realize that getting into overwhelming debt is not worth it.
In keeping with the holiday spirit, when I got back to my car there was a handwritten note on the windshield, calling me an asshole for parking too close to someone. They told me I was lucky they didn't key my car! I have two friends who have gotten keyed lately (a new word to add to the California vocabulary meaning revenge for assholes) and I can never understand how that makes someone feel good. You ruined someone's car because they inconvenienced you, and not only are you a coward, you win the biggest asshole contest.
It's a Girl, So Let's Celebrate with Pink Cupcakes
I recently helped throw a baby shower for a dear friend and would like to share some photos of the great spread. We cheated and had it catered by a company that does made-to-order omelets.
It was held at the beach so we really didn't have to decorate very much. It was a beautiful day and the ocean was a lot more blue than it looks on this photo.
The hit of the party were these fabulous cupcakes made by my favorite new cupcake shop Sweet and Saucy.
The turkey is all gone, can Christmas be that far behind?
I had a quiet Thanksgiving with my daughter and son-in-law, and for the first time ever, we ate in a restaurant and didn't have turkey. It was a beautiful day in Santa Monica, with the temperature feeling more like the Fourth of July instead of the 26th of November. I'm going to have to make a turkey dinner next week though, because of my annual deficiency of turkey, potatoes and dressing needs to be addressed. I did make apple and pumpkin pies for friends and the homeless, but none for me, so I couldn't spend the whole weekend overdosing on sweets.
I have a lot to be thankful for this year, but there is also a lot of sadness in my life. My way to combat it, is to keep super busy and never give myself the chance to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I did get to spend some time alone on Friday because I hate to go out into the madness that is Black Friday, and it felt so good. I filled my hours with football and the only time I felt sad was on Saturday night during the Notre Dame game. Luckily, I was out with friends at a sushi bar watching the game, so I had distractions. It's really been hard being an Irish fan the last couple of years, and to make matters worse, my Steelers aren't doing so well this year either. At least I can be thankful that Notre Dame will probably be getting a new coach very soon.
This was the yummy dessert we had for Thanksgiving dinner. I don't know exactly what it was, but it did contain pumpkin and chocolate, which was good enough for me.
Light Up My Life
My list of Christmas projects that may or not be accomplished by December 25.
1. Design, print and mail my holiday cards by December 1, 2009.
2. Go down town to the flower mart to get wholesale greenery and make arrangements and centerpieces for myself and friends.
3. Get all of my presents by the first of December and mail them way ahead of time. Since I make most of them, I need to get them done by Thanksgiving.
4. Throw a baby shower the Sunday before Thanksgiving.
5. Do volunteer work at the Homeless Shelter and help with the childrens' Christmas party.
6. Actually learn how to do Christmas cookies with fondant icing and make some Martha Stewart worthy cookies to give as presents. I have a cookie making session set up with friends, one of which went to the Cordon Bleu Cooking school in London, so something tells me this will be a good thing.
7. Make myself go to a lot of parties this year.
8. Go to see the Nutcracker and since I already have the tickets, it's a sure thing,
9. Help a friend move on December 5.
10. Plan a trip to Santa Barbara with my daughters.
11. Eat healthy so that I don't get sick over the holidays. Also hope that my family doesn't get sick so I be around them.
12. Hook up with old friends that I have been avoiding because I don't know how they will react to the cancer.
13. Make the holidays as much fun as I can and not dwell on how bad I have it, when there are so many others out there who are so much worse off than I am.
14. Most of all not spend money I don't have, to buy things I or other's don't need. This is where my talent comes in. I love making hand made things, only hope the recipients enjoy them as much as I enjoy making them.
15. Go to mid-might mass at St. Monica's church in Santa Monica. I went last year and it was the perfect way to spend Christmas Eve. It's a late evening, but I live only a few blocks away, so it's worth it.
16. See the faces of my Godson and his siblings when they open their gifts on Christmas morning. I think Santa is going to bring a few Thomas Train and Star Wars toys which will add to the excitement.
17. Make my traditional gingerbread pancakes and cranberry butter for breakfast Christmas morning.
18. Most of all I am truly looking forward to spending some quality time with my daughters and hanging out with them enjoying the company of the people I love the most in this world.
19. Be thankful I am alive and able to celebrate another Christmas!
Recipe of the Week
Living in the Los Angeles area, the latest rage in cooking is the Korean BBQ. There is an area known as Korea Town and they have by far the best BBQ restaurants, especially the ones where you do the cooking at your table. I have tried to duplicate the ribs and have gone through dozens of recipes until I came upon this on the the Food Network. You have to cook these on a grill, and if you can't find an Asian pear, a regular one will work. The hardest part of the recipe is finding the flank style ribs and having the butcher cutting them really thin. I am lucky that I live near some Asian markets, so it isn't too much of a problem, although I have heard a few groans when I've requested them. I always order a lot to make it worth their while. That way I have an excuse for having people over to eat all the ribs.
I made these tonight and one of my friends who is a fireman, loved them and asked for the recipe. After all, firemen are the best looking and best cooks in town, so needless to say I was flattered. Bon Appetit.
Charley Harper Engagement Calendar
I am a great fan of calendar books, in fact I have faithfully used them since I was in college. I use it more as an engagement/diary and document my days so I can go back and see what I was doing/feeling at certain times in my life.
I was excited when I found this Charley Harper one at my local Marshall's, not only because it was about 40% off, but also because he is one of my all time favorite graphic artists. Since he died two years ago, his popularity has grown to the point that you see his work everywhere. Even Old Navy has some of his children's books and flash cards.
Now that I have this book that I love, I can only hope that I can fill it with good, happy, and positive things.
You Are What You Eat or Drink
While I was having my first chemo treatment, i met a woman, also undergoing treatment, who proceeded to tell me that I had to start eating healthier. She insisted that I cut out sugar, meat and dairy products (the staples of my diet) and invest in a juicer. She is a nurse who works in a holistic clinic in Beverly Hills and told me that people pay a lot of money for the advice she was giving me. Not to mention she had the attitude of a high school cheerleader. I knew she was trying to help, but at the time I was feeling too sorry for myself to consider giving up the only things I had to look forward to.
Thankfully, chemo doesn't make me sick or nauseous, but it definitely influences my eating habits. The first week, water has a terrible taste and I can't force myself to drink it. This is a big problem for someone who loves to drink water and has an aversion to sweet drinks. I never drink sodas, diet or regular and I'm not going to start now, so weak lemonade and cranberry juice have become my drinking buddies. I also crave all the comfort foods: potatoes, pasta, cheese and most of all, sweets. Needless to say, I have gained weight since I started chemo. So now I am on the bandwagon of healthy living and I finally went out and got a juicer. I am now a bartender of nutritious drinks, and have learned how to make the best vegetable cocktails in the world. I now know how to marry fruits and vegetables, so that they produce a juice that I can drink without wanting to puke. Now if I could only figure out a way to make it a color that isn't a brownish green, I'd be happy.
If you know someone who has cancer, or who doesn't want to get it, I would suggest recommending getting a juice machine and convincing them it doesn't taste as bad as you think. I got the Breville on Overstock.com and am so happy because it is so powerful and more important, easy to clean. You just feed it whole cucumbers, celery, broccoli and apples and it spits out the peels and leaves you with a not so appetizing looking, but healthy drink. I swear I feel 100 times better after I drink it, and you can make enough for two or three days at a time. Oh, I forgot to mention that it also fills me up, so I don't eat nearly as much. Now if I could only give up cupcakes, I'd be a lot happier.
Thyme Cafe and Market
A new restaurant has opened in Santa Monica so of course I had to check it out. Thyme Cafe and Market is a small, gourmet market that serves only breakfast and lunch but has incredible take out items. Think healthy, with a reasonable price tag. I met some friends for lunch yesterday and had three of the best salads ever.
I was so proud of myself for eating healthy but I had to white knuckle it past the display of desserts that looked so tempting. It is so hard to eat healthy in a town that has a bakery on every street corner. I don't understand it because Santa Monica is known for its healthy, fit lifestyle and everyone I see is in extremely good shape. Even the homeless people look like they could run a marathon. If you live in Santa Monica, I highly recommend this place.
No Where to Run
Lately, I have been running around like there is no tomorrow. Do you need me to pick your kids up from school? No problem. Need something from Costco? I'm going there anyway. Want to go to lunch? Can't wait to catch up. If I don't keep busy, I will sit at home on the computer all day, convincing myself that I don't have the energy to do anything else. So far it has been working and I am busier than I have ever been. I know this isn't going to last forever and sooner or later I will be forced to slow down. I don't want to slow down. I don't want to be one of those people who has to miss so much because they have to take it easy. Rest has never been a part of my vocabulary.
I sit in the many waiting rooms I have been hanging out in lately, and I look at all the people and see nothing but stagnation in their faces. I want to live, but I want to do it on my terms. I want to be able to stand being around myself, and not make myself and everyone else miserable. I don't want to pretend that everything is OK, but I don't want to dwell on the fact that things aren't that great. As Mark Twain used to say "the best way to cheer yourself up, is to cheer up someone else."
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
Today I had to have some tests done, and since there was an Ikea nearby, I decided to go and get the new desk chair I've wanted for a while. I wanted a white one, and Ikea was the only place I could find it. Once I got there I was pleasantly surprised to see a tent set up outside of the store, filled with all things Christmas.
The nice thing about the tent is that if you only wanted Christmas decorations, you wouldn't have to go through the maze that is Ikea. True to form, all the decorations are inexpensive, with clean designs. I personally think their Christmas decorations are as nice as Crate and Barrel, at one third the price.
I fell in love with these fiber optic ones and had to buy a set since they were almost sold out. Now I guess I have to get a tree after all. These lights are too cool to not use.
